Headlock Press

Writing That Grabs And Holds

Home Games (Notes from the Compound)

Family Portraits, 8: As My Father Used to Say to Me
Paul Agostino (#2, The Peacemaker)
"Think. Think. Use your head. For Chrissake, what's the matter with you?"

Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Dominick Quartuccio: Under the same heading: "Don't move any slower, kid, people'll throw dirt on you."

<{;o) Like any good coach, Joe Q. wanted you to reach your potential.

<[:@( Unfortunately, Dom, you didn't have any.

Dominick Quartuccio: The best by Joe Q.: "You act like you got a paper asshole."

<{;o) We sell that one as a refrigerator magnet at our shows.

<[:@( It's very popular.

Dominick Quartuccio: If I spent more than five minutes in the shower: "What are you doing in there? Washing a car?"

<{;o) You don't care if there's no water left for future generations, do you Emperor Nero?

<[:@( Why do you hate the earth, Dom?
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Tina Vincenti: My father used to say, "You've got a fifty-fifty chance at winning the lottery, but if shit's gonna fall in your face it's a guarantee." Of course he said this screaming and red in the face.

<{;o) That's called, "parenting."

<[:@( Maybe you didn't recognize it at the time.
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Joe Vella: Best advice I ever got from my dad was, "Son, you gotta know what you're dealing with." To which I've added the corollary, "...and deal with it!"

<{;o) It seems to me, from reading this post, that fathers speak in Buddhist koans of a kind.

<[:@( They're enigmas wrapped in riddles wrapped in annoyance.

Joe Vella: Yes. Equal parts profound and useless. But 100% funny as the other comments show.

Paul Agostino: Notice how many Italian names are on this post, Joe?

Joe Vella LOL. Are you saying that it's something in the meatballs?

<{;o) I'll bet these words of wisdom came with a lot of volume.

<[:@( Italians are great opera singers.

Joe Vella: My hat's off to you clowns, now that's a funny idea. An entire opera based on Dad advice. "Placido Domingo shines in - Il mio padre profondo!"
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Dave Eaton: As I mentioned over lunch, my father expressed the same exact sentiment more succinctly by bellowing "You IDIOT!"

Paul Agostino: Your father was more a point-A-to-point-B guy, huh?

Dave Eaton While he was a whiz in the kitchen, he was not one to mince words.
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Joe Vella: And just to get a bit esoteric here, wasn't the character Polonius from Shakespeare's Hamlet the first "Dad advice" dude? He's the one that told his son, "Neither a lender or borrower be," amongst other things...

Paul Agostino: My brother Larry the Landlord and his Maltese friend, Mike Aquilina, do a little comedy down at the Knights of Columbus hall in North Centereach. They both like, "Brevity is the soul of wit," from that same speech. Oddly enough, they're both fathers.

Joe Vella: "To thine own self be true" is another one!

<{;o) That's one of the most misquoted Shakespeare lines ever. Like you said, the guy who made the speech, Polonius, was a blow-hard giving blow-hard advice to his son. People always miss the context.

<[:@( Then again, in this case, maybe it fits.

Joe Vella: Exactly. I think Willy was trolling dads 500 years before us.

<{;o) Willy Shakes was a really funny cat.

<[:@( He may have been the Don Rickles of the Elizabethan Age.
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Janet Walsh: My dad used to say, "If I have to get off this chair, you better run!"

Paul Agostino: My father's take on that threat was a little more direct. He'd growl, "Don't make me get up."
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
John Long: My dad used to say two things. "If you get yourself in trouble, get yourself out; and, "You take care of yourself."

Paul Agostino: I remember you telling me that your father said that to you before you went off to college, and all I could think was, "Thanks for being in my corner, Dad."

John Long: I know! He used to tell me all the stories of him and roommates getting into trouble, and getting called on the "carpet." They managed to survive and graduate. On the flip side, years later, whenever I was going through a challenging time, I'd tell him where I was at, options I was considering; he'd listen and add a few points I hadn't thought of. In a few days he'd call me back and always say, "Your mother and I are with you in whatever you decide." I guess they were thinking it over.
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Timothy C. Vincent: Did your father have an answer to the question of what thinking is, exactly?

Paul Agostino: Oh, he had an answer all right. He had an answer for everything. If I had asked him, 'Dad, what is thinking, in a philosophical sense?' he would have said, "Don't think. Do. I know. You're gonna do it. You're gonna do this, you're gonna do that. Don't gonna," he'd bark, "Do it!"
Letters to Editor  commented on August 09, 2017 :
Grace Schoenemann: I can hear your dad now.

Paul Agostino: So can I. That's the problem.
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All Saints' Day (Featuring Henry, Betty, and Co.) - Paul Agostino - November 02, 2017
All-Star (Featuring Irene, Sal, and Gabriel) - Paul Agostino - November 02, 2017
Henry and Me and a Date with History - Paul Agostino and Thomas Henry Eggbert Agostino - August 28, 2017
Mama's Little Baby - Paul Agostino (Featuring the Agostino Family) - August 20, 2017
The Greatest Compliment I've Ever Heard - Paul Agostino (Featuring Henry Agostino) - August 19, 2017
Family Portraits, 8: As My Father Used to Say to Me - Paul Agostino (#2, The Peacemaker) - August 09, 2017
Family Portraits, 7: The Green-Eyed Monster - Gabriel M. Agostino (#1, Mr. Make Believe) - August 08, 2017
Family Portraits, 6: The Land of Fun - Paul Agostino (#2, The Gifted One) - August 06, 2017
Family Portraits, 5: Don't I Deserve A Participation Ribbon? - Lawrence J. Agostino (#6, Mama's Little Baby) - August 05, 2017
Family Portraits, 4: Talking Back to Refrigerator Magnets - Ferdinand L. Agostino (#4a) - August 03, 2017
Family Portraits, 3: My Brush With Fame - Betty S. Agostino (#3, Dad's Favorite) - August 01, 2017
Family Portraits, 2: Thank-You Note - Henry E. Agostino (#4b) - July 31, 2017
Family Portraits, 1: My Mother, the Taskmaster - Gabriel M. Agostino (#1, Mom's Favorite) - July 30, 2017
Classroom Clippings, Part 2: 4:55 - Michael Cummings (Intoduction: Paul Agostino) - May 25, 2017

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